Tangled

 

I don't know why but I have recently been tangled more than once. Very early in the morning I got to the gym and still half asleep I pulled my earbuds from the gym bag. Total madness! It took me about ten minutes to untangle it.

Later that day It was time to water the plants. It hasn't rained in so long... In any case I pulled the hose from the side of the house hoping to reach the farthest corner of the front yard. Nope! The hose was totally tangled and strangled. No water coming out. Once more I patiently untangled it.

When I went back to the house my wife came running asking me to help her real quick untangling a chain she wanted to wear to wherever she was going. Noooooo...

The Golden Years

The Golden Years (or the retirement age) are depicted on TV as the peaceful time when one can go fishing, run with the grandchildren and the dogs in slow motion over beautiful green grass and contemplate the horizon seating in a rocking chair on a white veranda.

You know you have arrived to your Golden Years though when you start getting advertisement of items and services you don’t think you need…yet.

Walkers, hearing aids, cemetery lots and cremation services are some of them. The last one I received is Seniordating.com: a beautiful collection of member photos of plump old ladies with too much makeup and bad dentures.

I guess it is the typical consumerist tactic: they start creating Halloween in September, Christmas in October, and the golden years when we are still wearing Silver Sneakers…

Look me in the eye

Last night I went to an event at a friend’s home where I didn’t know many people, even though it was a small event among people from the neighborhood with similar cultural background. The fact is that while “working the room” I was introduced to this gentleman who owns a small coffee shop where I go occasionally for coffee and some special pastries.

He recognized me as the occasional client I am and we got into an animated conversation about themes of relevance for our community.

We were seating side by side on a sofa but somewhat sort of half facing each other. I had my back to the entry door. I noticed that every time someone new entered the room and I was talking to him, he would move his focus of attention from the conversation to the new arrivals, to the point that he would totally disconnect from what I was saying and wander into his own thoughts and the drink he had in his hand.

I was pretty annoyed with his behavior and started thinking that maybe my conversation didn’t interest him, but every time I started to get up and go somewhere he would come back from his haze and restart the conversation.

I realized that there are people that have a “tangential” way of establishing a rapport with their interlocutor, just like a lady I know that while talking to you is always looking at her own reflection in a mirror, a glass door or the glass of a picture on the wall across from her.

Hey! Look me in the eye…please!

Got change?

Call me obsessive. My kids think that I'm borderline obsessive/compulsive with certain things.

Yes, I tend to be organized. I carry my trademark Man-purse (more like a bag across my chest) where I carry everything: from my wallet to my cell phone, including my money bag (or "chacarita" as my father used to call it). There is a compartment for bills and one for loose change in it.

All that is great. It helps me keep everything at my fingertips.

The problem is when I go to the supermarket and I pay cash. The cashier is trained to put the receipt, the bills and the change right on top of it all and hand it to you with the left hand while starting to scan the merchandise of the next client right behind you with the right hand. The "bagger" on the other end holds the bags in front of your nose with a big smile encouraging you to hurry up and go.

That means that I don't have time to pull out mi "chacarita", put the bills in its place, the change in its pocket, the receipt in the trash can and get the bags, all in twenty three seconds

Where is the inner peace and the harmonious rythm of life?

Ohmmmmmmm!
The supermarket and I are not the best of friends!

And now what?

A few days ago I had a business meeting with three ladies. We met at (where else?) Starbucks. Believe me, I'm not being sponsored by it! Unfortunately!

As the trained gentleman that I am, I offered to get the drinks for all of us. I'm not embarrassed to say that my knowledge of Starbuckisan language is very limited. I get all confused with the alto's, latte's, etc.

I any case, part of the order was a small hot chocolate. All the drinks were small (or alto) as they call it.

Everything was fine until the "barista" (i knew that one) asked me if I wanted whipped cream with the chocolate.

Now, I think that most women are very much aware of the calorie intake and such. I'm also aware than many people are very self conscious about hidden messages in someone else's attitude.

So here I am, suddenly, debating weather adding whipped cream to the chocolate and risking being considered insensitive to women's concerns or not adding the cream and having the lady think that I'm thinking that she has a weight issue and shouldn't add more calories. Total confusion and the barista is pressing for a decision

What to do?I finally decided not to add the whipped cream. I later explained to the lady that I made my decision based on general health concerns. A polite smile and many thanks put my conscience to rest (or did it?)

Say what?

Getting exposed to other cultures is an exciting experience: new ways of thinking, different foods and foreign languages.

Nothing better than learning to speak a foreign language because doing so we learn to understand that there are different (not necessarily better or worst) ways of doing things.

But learning a language doesn't come without its doses of annoyances.

I had been living in the States for a relatively short time when I realized the importance of some phonetic nuances that a foreigner's ear doesn't distinguish easily.

I was starting in a new job when I was assigned to inspect the work in some new homes being built. I was presenting my oral report during a morning meeting with the entire office when I was asked the status of the construction. I told the group that they were installing the sh*t rock (I meant sheet rock) and to my surprise everybody burst out laughing. I felt totally embarrassed and not because of what I had said, but because I didn't know why they were laughing. I couldn't hear the difference between "shee" ans "shi". Actually I didn't even realized there were two different sounds.

The same thing applies to beach and b*tch, and some other difficult sounds

What a pain. It can be very embarrassing!

Handshake

A handshake is a ritual way to greet people. Said to be in use by the Greeks in the 5th Century BC it is no wonder that for as long as I can remember a handshake is ....well...a handshake. It seems to have originated as a gesture of peace, showing the other person your unarmed hands.

Now the handshake has evolved, like almost everything else. There are cultural and generational variations that add interest and make hand shakes somewhat challenging.

When I came to live in the United States I didn't know, for example, what a Hi Five was. Someone I knew used to greet me like that and I didn't know what to do with it or how to respond to it until someone pointed it out and explained it to me. Awkward!

These days people touch fists in different ways and have developed all kinds of handshake-like greetings.

The one that annoys me is the Thumb-wrap. A new friend of mine uses the thumb-wrap. I haven't been able to manage it quite yet. The idea is (I think) to end up with your hand wrapped around your counterpart's thumb (see illustration).

When I greet him with a regular hand shake he manages to move his hand up around my thumb and move it all up to chest hight (!). I have tried to go straight to the chest-height-thumb-wrap but it doesn't work. I think that part of the pleasure is to create in the other person a sense inadequacy . The greeting starts with the hand at waist height and a forward movement like a hand shake but then, surprisingly, the hand slides up your palm and grabs the thumb.

Hmmmmm. I miss a regular, standard, safe and predictable hand shake