Shopping

Ahhhh! …The Holidays…..It’s the most wonderful (shopping)time of the year, da-da-pum, da-da-pum.

Well, I don’t like shopping. However, sometimes it’s unavoidable. Once I go, the first part of the adventure is to find a parking place.

After driving around and around the parking lot, I see a happy family, loaded with bags, walking toward a mini-van. I rush to secure the catch.

As a good citizen I park my car on the side and wait. I turn my blinker on, wait a little longer and am thrilled that I found a parking place.

The “mini-vans” open all the doors and start planning how to make all the bags fit in the van. They talk, joke and try different options.

I’m grabbing the steering wheel with both my hands. My knuckles are white with anticipation. My forehead has sweat pearls on. The “mini-vans” don’t move.

The guy in back of me doesn’t yet realize that I own the soon-to-be free parking place and is blowing his horn to make me move.

Come on you !@#*&%”er, move! That’s just me, talking to myself

After five eternal minutes, the happy “mini-vans” depart and I finally take possession.

The adventure has just begun.

Cell phone etiquette

I was in a public building running some errands. The building was quite empty and
 I was lost in my own thoughts when I walked into the restroom which was also quiet.
While taking care of business, I jumped startled at the sound of a loud burst of laughter
coming from a stall. Needles to say it scared the bejesus out of me. I almost lost my aim!!!.

What followed was an animated conversation in Japanese which

I can’t transcribe for lack of space.

It makes me wonder what the proper etiquette for cell phone conversations in public spaces should be…

Starbucksian

I’m picky when it comes to coffee. I like Italian coffee: not to bitter, not to acidic, not elaborate or gimmicky, etc. That’s to say that I don’t particularly care for Starbucks.

However, in times of desperation, when I start dreaming about coffee and nothing else is available (Starbucks is pretty much in every corner anyway) I go there. What really bothers me is that I don’t speak Starbucksian….

If I order a small espresso with a drop of milk, the “barista” looks at me with pity and corrects me: “Oh you

 want a solo-caramel-piccolo-macchiato-latte-mini-caldo?”

Uhmmmm, yeah, I guess

Paper Cut

For some folks that like me still pay bills with checks (I
know, I know, I have to update myself….) there is danger lurking in the
envelopes that come along with the bills. They have to be licked, the old
fashion way, to seal them. But beware: a paper cut in your upper lip is a real
risk. Ask me. I have had a couple. Ouch!

On a plane 1

A friend volunteered this one during dinner last night. He was one of the first passengers to go on a plane. He was seating in coach on an isle seat for a long flight. He started to see the other passengers boarding. A very voluminous passenger was walking down the isle. My friend thought: I hope he's not seating next to me! To his relief, the passenger passed by. Uffff!, saved by the bell.



Two seconds later the guy comes back and signals that he's seating on the window seat. Well, my friend thought: I hope the middle seat remains empty. Few minutes later, a well developed body-builder with five feet wide shoulders walks down the isle. At this time only a prayer can help: Please God, don't let him seat next to me! God was busy doing something else and didn't hear his prayers...



Later on the body-builder went to the restroom and never returned. While disembarking, my friend moved over to allow the voluminous companion to get out of the seat row and he stepped on my friends foot...!

No Rhythm

Have you noticed how, in most non-musical movies, when there is a dancing scene (again, not in a musical) the actors and extras seem to dance to their own music and not the music that they add when post producing? It irritates me when they don't dance to the rhythm, or the type of music they're playing. Boom, boom, boom, and they go beep, beep, beep. Arthur Murray and Gene Kelly (am I dating myself?) must be turning in their graves

In the shower 1

It's early in the morning, I've had an active hour of exercise and activity and am taking a relaxing warm shower to go tackle the day, but somebody, somewhere in the house, flushes a toilet. Ouch! the water is hot! So, I rapidly regulate it and start to relax again, but just for a few seconds. When the toilet tank fills up: swash! a gush of cold water. There goes the relaxing shower, through the drain...