A pinker shade of pale

A friend of mine mentioned something that happens in many a household:

Her husband reluctantly used to help with the laundry. Even though she had
thoroughly trained him to do the laundry separating colors (whites, darks,
mediums, etc.), and setting the appropriate water temperature, more often than
not a red sock mysteriously made its way into the white batch.

To her unpleasant surprise underwear, towels and sheets had (for
weeks) an indescribable Disney-esk shade of princes- pink.

I wonder why is it that her husband spends more time lately training the TV

remote control than before.

Was that done on purpose? Hmmmmm…

You’re doing what?

Driving on the highway at 70 mph (only 5 miles over the speed limit is ok, isn’t it?).

The Lexus in front of me is also driving sort of at the same speed. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Lexus slows down to ..hmmmm….50 mph.

What the hell? I decide to pass on the right (aren’t slow vehicles supposed to move

to the right, so that you pass on the left?). I look to my left to get a good impression

of Lexus-driver and to show “it” my precious finger to no avail. Lexus is completely

focus on looking down at the phone reading or answering a text message.

That’s why Lexus slowed down to a “safe” speed.

Now: if it’s a text, is not urgent. Otherwise they’d call, right?

Remember when there were no cell phones? Life hasn’t gotten more urgent, has it???

If you die, it’s not good for you

How about drugs commercials? Happiness is in slow motion: If you move at n o r m a l speed, it means that you’re not happy.

Here is a typical TV add: Beautiful smiling woman with flowing long hair jogs slowly (slow motion) in the park, on a sunny day, followed by a perfectly behaving dog.

We know that she suffers from severe depression, is unemployed, her husband left her, she’s foreclosing on her home and her kids divorced her. Soothing voice off camera tells us that “Trimbalta”,an anti-depressant, will help her if she doesn’t get dehydration, diarrhea, cancer, ulcers or if she doesn't commit suicide.

Now, seriously, come on… Does happiness come in a pill?.

Shopping

Ahhhh! …The Holidays…..It’s the most wonderful (shopping)time of the year, da-da-pum, da-da-pum.

Well, I don’t like shopping. However, sometimes it’s unavoidable. Once I go, the first part of the adventure is to find a parking place.

After driving around and around the parking lot, I see a happy family, loaded with bags, walking toward a mini-van. I rush to secure the catch.

As a good citizen I park my car on the side and wait. I turn my blinker on, wait a little longer and am thrilled that I found a parking place.

The “mini-vans” open all the doors and start planning how to make all the bags fit in the van. They talk, joke and try different options.

I’m grabbing the steering wheel with both my hands. My knuckles are white with anticipation. My forehead has sweat pearls on. The “mini-vans” don’t move.

The guy in back of me doesn’t yet realize that I own the soon-to-be free parking place and is blowing his horn to make me move.

Come on you !@#*&%”er, move! That’s just me, talking to myself

After five eternal minutes, the happy “mini-vans” depart and I finally take possession.

The adventure has just begun.

Cell phone etiquette

I was in a public building running some errands. The building was quite empty and
 I was lost in my own thoughts when I walked into the restroom which was also quiet.
While taking care of business, I jumped startled at the sound of a loud burst of laughter
coming from a stall. Needles to say it scared the bejesus out of me. I almost lost my aim!!!.

What followed was an animated conversation in Japanese which

I can’t transcribe for lack of space.

It makes me wonder what the proper etiquette for cell phone conversations in public spaces should be…

Starbucksian

I’m picky when it comes to coffee. I like Italian coffee: not to bitter, not to acidic, not elaborate or gimmicky, etc. That’s to say that I don’t particularly care for Starbucks.

However, in times of desperation, when I start dreaming about coffee and nothing else is available (Starbucks is pretty much in every corner anyway) I go there. What really bothers me is that I don’t speak Starbucksian….

If I order a small espresso with a drop of milk, the “barista” looks at me with pity and corrects me: “Oh you

 want a solo-caramel-piccolo-macchiato-latte-mini-caldo?”

Uhmmmm, yeah, I guess

Paper Cut

For some folks that like me still pay bills with checks (I
know, I know, I have to update myself….) there is danger lurking in the
envelopes that come along with the bills. They have to be licked, the old
fashion way, to seal them. But beware: a paper cut in your upper lip is a real
risk. Ask me. I have had a couple. Ouch!